My Life in 2020

Swim22

For the second year running, I am doing the Swim22 challenge for Diabetes UK and started today. The only problem with going to the health club on a Saturday is it’s busy yet the children were good in the pool. It was the parents who were annoying as they were very good at getting in the way of all the swimmers. At least I was able to do 400 m as Rick had had enough by this point – we had also been in the steam room for 20 minutes.

I hope to do much better than last year but voluntary work didn’t help last year as we weren’t going to the health club often enough. Sadly I’m not expecting anybody sponsoring me even though I do sponsor other people. I have sponsored a niece who is doing a half marathon for Tommy’s in memory of her sister’s baby, Chloe, whom we knew was going to die due to Edward’s Syndrome. Chloe survived a day but it doesn’t make it any easier for my niece and nephew in law. Last year only two people sponsored me and I contributed as well. It would be easy to say I won’t sponsor other people but I can’t be mean.

Since my last post, I have dwelt too much time dwelling on the unhappy memories of my past. It’s nighttime that’s the hardest time so I appreciate the dogs going to bed with me as they know my moods. Sometimes I wish I could relive my early years as those memories are generally happy ones. The problem with that is knowing I would live through the dark times. Depression is a terrible thing to live with and can be a very real threat to a person’s life.

Only once have I ended up in a hospital due to an overdose but nobody could force me to stay any longer than one night. I couldn’t explain to anybody why I was so depressed and I was ashamed of the way I felt. It wasn’t the first attempt either, there were several before. Since then I managed to control that but it was a few years after that before I stopped self-harming. Cutting was the only way I could let the emotional pain out and the cuts didn’t hurt.

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