My Life in 2020


Exhausting depression

It’s been tough trying to concentrate on anything over the past months. Depression, not sleeping and lockdown don’t mix at all and it feels like it’s going to be never ending being in this situation. It doesn’t matter that my pleasures are simple it’s being restricted in what we can do or where we can go. We don’t even know if we will be able to go away for a break this year.

The one thing I am happy about is that we are going to have another great nephew in May. I have knitted a little jacket and now I’m knitting a blanket which I am enjoying even though I need regular breaks due to arthritis in my hands and fingers. Downside is we don’t know when we will be able to see family.

National lockdown …. again!

We went into lockdown for a month before Christmas just to really cheer us up again. Having gone so many months of not being able to do much it didn’t make much difference. When we came out of that we were put into tier 3 which annoyed me as infection rates have been low here yet London was in tier 2 where numbers were rising.

Sadly we weren’t able to go out for our Christmas Day meal which we have been doing. It saves me cooking and clearing up afterwards. Instead we went to a butchers called Bolamto get a fresh turkey and other meat for over the silly season. Neither of us were bothered about having a three course meal but we enjoyed what we had. I’m not that bothered over having turkey but when it’s a fresh turkey it always seems to taste nicer.

We are now back to lockdown again although all of England is now in lockdown. This time it’s a bit more stricter than the first one so whilst I fully understand it’s still frustrating. What doesn’t help is that there are variants of COVID which are worse and of course all the idiots who wouldn’t follow simple rules haven’t helped.

Feeling low

I am surrised I have let this go for about 6 weeks without posting. It really feels like life will never truly get back to normal. There have been local lockdowns in some towns but those haven’t affected us. Schools are supposed to be getting back to normal and opening up for the new school year. The unions have been threatening that they will refuse to open schools although it does look like they won’t get their way. I believe it will do children a lot of good getting back to schools.

We are trying to get back to some kind of routine with the health club. It’s hard getting motivated due to our lives being so retricted for so long. We’ve both been feeling run down, had colds and our sleeping patterns have been poor. I’m beginning to feel a bit better generally but my mood has been all over the place.

Out highlight of the year will be going to Devon for a break then onto Essex for a few days to visit family. It’s going to be a year since we last saw them aand then it was for a sad reason. Our great niece, Chloe, was born on the 21st September 2019 and died the following day. We knew she wouldn’t survive as she had Edward’s Syndrome (Trisomy 18) but it was still devastasting for our niece, nephew-in-law and great nephew. Chloe’s funeral was on the 22nd October which was the day after our great nephew’s birthday.

One of our other niece’s (younger sister of the other one) had her third daughter on the 29th April this year. I’m really looking forward to seeing her as we haven’t been able to visit due to COVID-19. A few weeks ago I chatted to my sister and niece on messenger facetime so I was able to see the youngest and middle daughter. The eldest was with her father that weekend. I have a low opinion of him as he walked out on my niece then she had to do all the hard work to get him to see his daughter. During lockdown he only saw her once in four month as he wouldn’t have it that children of divorced/separated parents could spend time in both homes. He then blamed my niece for not seeing his daughter despite her sending prove that he could see her. He doesn’t want to cross me if I ever see him as my niece doesn’t lie and no matter what she thinks of him she would never stop him seeing his daughter. That would only happen if he emotionally and/or physically hurt her.

No matter what differences and fall-outs I have had with my family I will always love them. Although it took our parents deaths to get me and my sister on better terms I am thankful that we have and being able to see her grandchildren is a bonus.

Continual boredom

Although we are begiinning to be able to have more ‘freedom’ it’s still tiring being restricted so much in what we can do. My concentration is up and down but it’s worse when I do want to get on with stuff because I have a V.D.H. (very demanding husband).

I have been missing the health club anyway but what makes it worse is that the weather is incredibly hot. I would welcome being able to go swimming just to cool down although I do also want to complete Swim22 for Diabetes UK. Unfortunately it’s still not clear when the health clubs and leisure centres can reopen, hopefully it will be July 2.

The two things that is keeping my spirits up is knowing that we will be able to travel soon to visit family and go on holiday. Whether we combine the two together isn’t a certainty yet.

It’s sad that even though I prefer a quiet life this day I resent not being able to have a break even for a few days. Over the past few years we have enjoyed going to Scotland and other parts of the UK for a week. Our pleasure has been walking the dogs in the countryside while away and looking round other towns and villages.

Constant tiredness and pain

It’s amazing how tiring it is staying in so much even with finding things to do to keep my mind occupied. On the other hand, I don’t like going out for long otherwise I get very anxious. My mood can’t get any worse as I am already rock bottom and my appetite is becoming poor but at least I shouldn’t start piling weight on. I have struggled so much over the past few years over putting weight on then struggling to lose it again which hasn’t helped with my mood.

My joints are suffering as well as I’m not swimming at the moment which isn’t helping with my health. Swimming is great for people who suffer with osteoarthritis as it’s low impact. It’s the one form of exercise I can do without putting a strain on my joints but as I can’t go swimming due to the lockdown I am physically suffering. My wrist has got so bad that I can’t use my right hand for heaving lifting such as shopping because the pain is that bad. My hips, knees and ankles are also getting painful quite quickly so it takes me a while to get comfortable in bed at night time. I am also losing my balance more often so that isn’t helping my joints. Subsequently I’m not getting as much quality sleep each night.

There doesn’t look like any let up any time soon wth the lockdown. The longer it goes on the less likely that life will get back to normal as we knew it before lockdown. The north east hasn’t been as hard hit as it has been down south but the population is much less than it is in the south. It’s much easier to do social distancing here particularly as we live in a small town. I am worried about neice who is expecting her third child at the end of the month particularly as she has asthma. Our nephew in law is still at home with COVID-19 so we are hoping and praying that he gets better soon. He and our neice have been through enough over the past seven months as they lost their baby daughter last September.

The family knew she was going to die due to Edward’s Syndrome (Trisomy 18) and she survived a day but it doesn’t make it any easier. The funeral was a day after their son’s 8th birthday so it was awful for him. He chose to go to school as he ‘didn’t want to see people upset at the funeral. That was very deep for a child of his age.