My Life in 2020


Plodding on

We’re looking forward to have some time away and I’m hoping it will help us to relax and feel better. Rules are changing again so whilst it not full lockdown a 10 pm curfew for pubs, off licences etc and including supermarkets but just on alcohol sales.

We’re going away soon for a short break so we are hoping there won’t be any distance driving restrictions. It’s been a strange year and it hasn’t finished yet but it does seem to be the new normal. Normally we go out for Christmas Day for a meal to save me cooking. This year we have resigned ourselves to eating at home.

On Monday it was the first anniversay or our great niece, Chloe, being born. The next day she had her wings and went on to a far better place. The family knew Chloe wouldn’t survive as she had Edward’s Syndrome but it doesn’t the heartbreak any easier. She won’t be forgotten but the family is doing it in a positve way.


For the second year running, I am doing the Swim22 challenge for Diabetes UK and started today. The only problem with going to the health club on a Saturday is it’s busy yet the children were good in the pool. It was the parents who were annoying as they were very good at getting in the way of all the swimmers. At least I was able to do 400 m as Rick had had enough by this point – we had also been in the steam room for 20 minutes.

I hope to do much better than last year but voluntary work didn’t help last year as we weren’t going to the health club often enough. Sadly I’m not expecting anybody sponsoring me even though I do sponsor other people. I have sponsored a niece who is doing a half marathon for Tommy’s in memory of her sister’s baby, Chloe, whom we knew was going to die due to Edward’s Syndrome. Chloe survived a day but it doesn’t make it any easier for my niece and nephew in law. Last year only two people sponsored me and I contributed as well. It would be easy to say I won’t sponsor other people but I can’t be mean.

Since my last post, I have dwelt too much time dwelling on the unhappy memories of my past. It’s nighttime that’s the hardest time so I appreciate the dogs going to bed with me as they know my moods. Sometimes I wish I could relive my early years as those memories are generally happy ones. The problem with that is knowing I would live through the dark times. Depression is a terrible thing to live with and can be a very real threat to a person’s life.

Only once have I ended up in a hospital due to an overdose but nobody could force me to stay any longer than one night. I couldn’t explain to anybody why I was so depressed and I was ashamed of the way I felt. It wasn’t the first attempt either, there were several before. Since then I managed to control that but it was a few years after that before I stopped self-harming. Cutting was the only way I could let the emotional pain out and the cuts didn’t hurt.